Despite the irony, I do thank God everyday for the caring and compassionate man who is my husband.
He is such a romantic at heart and despite not having a role model growing up who demonstrated how to woo and romance a wife, he has continuously succeeded at coming up with creative ways to show his love for me!
This Valentine's day I awoke to see a beautiful Pandora bracelet on my wrist. It was still early but he couldn't contain his excitement any longer and was eager for me to begin my scavenger hunt for the rest of the charms that were to go on the bracelet. I felt the same excitement and anticipation that a young child would on Christmas day!
The most special charms were the last 5 which represented his love for me, and symbols for our two beautiful children.
He is such a sweetheart and I feel so unworthy of such a blessing at times!
I hope everyone had a special day with that special someone this past Valentine's, and I hope that I can do small things every day to make him feel special the way he does for me.
If there is one downside to this story, its that I am now addicted to collecting charms for my bracelet!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The enormity of absence
I just want to extend my sincerest thanks and gratitude to all our friends and family that reached out to Kyle and I during this stressful time of anticipating our son's surgery!!
The procedure went without a hitch and he has been resting well and happy as usual.
We were able to remove the pressure bandage this evening and I couldn't get over my initial surprise at my reaction to the absence of his little bump. I remember thinking how conspicuous the grape sized knot on his head seemed, and how people's eyes would naturally gravitate toward it when they looked at him.
I honestly didn't expect the loss of such an obvious anomaly to be more profound than its former presence. I admired his now smooth, round, little head and despite the small bit of swelling I was amazed at the difference!
As odd as it sounds, I think I'm going to miss that little bump for some time.... it had been a part of my son since he was six weeks old!
Again, I want to thank in particular our friends at Grace for your continuous emails and support for our family!!!
I'm sad to miss Second Chance Prom and look forward to seeing lots of pictures!!!
The procedure went without a hitch and he has been resting well and happy as usual.
We were able to remove the pressure bandage this evening and I couldn't get over my initial surprise at my reaction to the absence of his little bump. I remember thinking how conspicuous the grape sized knot on his head seemed, and how people's eyes would naturally gravitate toward it when they looked at him.
I honestly didn't expect the loss of such an obvious anomaly to be more profound than its former presence. I admired his now smooth, round, little head and despite the small bit of swelling I was amazed at the difference!
As odd as it sounds, I think I'm going to miss that little bump for some time.... it had been a part of my son since he was six weeks old!
Again, I want to thank in particular our friends at Grace for your continuous emails and support for our family!!!
I'm sad to miss Second Chance Prom and look forward to seeing lots of pictures!!!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Burden of Motherhood
If your a mom then and only then can you truly understand the joy of having a child. Its such an amazing journey from the time they are conceived to the day you finally meet face to face. If you think back to the most precious times during pregnancy when you could feel your little one giving you little "bumps" as if to say, "Hi, I'm in here. Thank you for keeping me in here so safe and warm and well fed." How special those were, and even more so when no one else could quite feel those love taps coming from a tiny hand or foot.
Months later the love story would grow even more as you and your baby would see each other for the first time. For me, the work and pain of the labor was such an important part of this journey, for not only was a child being born, but also a mother. My husband and I chose to go the route of midwives and a birth center, in the hopes of making the births of our babies ones free of unnecessary interventions and the feeling of being just a number.
Life took a surprising turn for us as we discovered only three months after the birth of our daughter that we were again pregnant. I will admit, I was not happy with the news at first. I had just begun to feel as though we were getting back into the rhythm of life and was seeing the success of our decision to attachment parent our daughter.
But God and mother nature are wise in allowing a woman the time of nine months to get used to the idea!
Our son was born almost a month after my daughter's birthday and when our eyes met I grieved over the feelings that I had harbored towards him in the early months of my pregnancy. This beautiful boy had no idea he was at first considered a burden, and over the last four months of his life, he has shown us such a sweet spirit, with few tears and many laughs almost from the day he was born!
However, with these joys comes a burden that sometimes feels as though it might suffocate the life from me. That burden is the fear of the unknown for my babies. Many days I thank God and say, " I was able to provide for and keep my babies safe from harm today." But at night I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Living in a world where you read about children being taken, or worse horribly treated and killed, I find myself on guard at all hours of the day and night.
Sometimes, it does become too overwhelming and I ashamedly wish for life before my children. Life, when I was carefree and didn't have the enormous responsibility of protecting and raising two children.
I once thought that the potential unknowns of life were the worst things to fear, but recently our son began growing a mass on his skull and as the doctors grew more concerned about infection and abscess, the decision has been made to have it surgically removed. Now, my days are spent in terrified anticipation of February 11, 2009. I'm not sure if my fear has moved from a normal motherly fear, to that of neurotic anxiety, but I dread the possibility that we may come home that day without my son. I find myself taking picture after picture of him with his sister, and loving on him even more (if that's possible). I don't want any regrets should the unthinkable happen, however I will always carry the regret of my initial feelings towards this little angel.
Life has always seemed to take unexpected turns just when we seem to be getting the hang of it, so I wonder what and when this next turn is coming.
Months later the love story would grow even more as you and your baby would see each other for the first time. For me, the work and pain of the labor was such an important part of this journey, for not only was a child being born, but also a mother. My husband and I chose to go the route of midwives and a birth center, in the hopes of making the births of our babies ones free of unnecessary interventions and the feeling of being just a number.
Life took a surprising turn for us as we discovered only three months after the birth of our daughter that we were again pregnant. I will admit, I was not happy with the news at first. I had just begun to feel as though we were getting back into the rhythm of life and was seeing the success of our decision to attachment parent our daughter.
But God and mother nature are wise in allowing a woman the time of nine months to get used to the idea!
Our son was born almost a month after my daughter's birthday and when our eyes met I grieved over the feelings that I had harbored towards him in the early months of my pregnancy. This beautiful boy had no idea he was at first considered a burden, and over the last four months of his life, he has shown us such a sweet spirit, with few tears and many laughs almost from the day he was born!
However, with these joys comes a burden that sometimes feels as though it might suffocate the life from me. That burden is the fear of the unknown for my babies. Many days I thank God and say, " I was able to provide for and keep my babies safe from harm today." But at night I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Living in a world where you read about children being taken, or worse horribly treated and killed, I find myself on guard at all hours of the day and night.
Sometimes, it does become too overwhelming and I ashamedly wish for life before my children. Life, when I was carefree and didn't have the enormous responsibility of protecting and raising two children.
I once thought that the potential unknowns of life were the worst things to fear, but recently our son began growing a mass on his skull and as the doctors grew more concerned about infection and abscess, the decision has been made to have it surgically removed. Now, my days are spent in terrified anticipation of February 11, 2009. I'm not sure if my fear has moved from a normal motherly fear, to that of neurotic anxiety, but I dread the possibility that we may come home that day without my son. I find myself taking picture after picture of him with his sister, and loving on him even more (if that's possible). I don't want any regrets should the unthinkable happen, however I will always carry the regret of my initial feelings towards this little angel.
Life has always seemed to take unexpected turns just when we seem to be getting the hang of it, so I wonder what and when this next turn is coming.
Friday, January 30, 2009
More Change! LOL
So I originally planned to move my blog to a completely different site, but of course things never quite work out the way one plans! So, I have decided to keep this blog open and continue to post the more serious life events that have been recently occurring. My other blog, www.bebenaturale.blogspot.com will be more about my adventures in APing, cloth diapering, etc.
The latest news in the Freeman household is that our precious son Colin will have to undergo surgery to remove the mass that has been growing on his head. I am very very afraid of the fact that he will be under general anesthesia at such a young age. Surgery is scheduled for the 11th.
I'm grateful to the families at Grace that are still very much in contact with us and praying for us!
As for my husband's journey in matters of spirituality and the existence of a higher being, things have been going well despite the surprising lack of support and even rejection of him and this part of his life.
Yes, that is right, rejection. We have heard many awful comments ranging from "your children will suffer greatly from your decision" to " this is worse than having received a phone call saying that you had died" Talk about psychologically damaging, and this is coming from family ! But we remain strong and know that those who truly care about us and those who are truly secure in their own faith are able to see that this is a necessary part of Kyle's journey of faith. I'm amazed at how quickly the story of the prodigal son is forgotten and the importance of its existence in the scriptures. I believe it is there to show that we must all journey at some point away from God in order for us to have an even closer faith in the end.
I'm also ignoring the comments about my disobedience in staying with someone I am unequally yoked with and remembering the scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7:13-14.
On the other hand! Maia is doing wonderfully and is such a sweet big sister. She really "helps" mama when it comes to taking care of her Bo.
I started a meetup group down here in the hopes of finding some little ones her own age to play with and so far I am having a good turnout! I also joined the MOPS group at my former church and am excited to see old friends and meet new ones as well. These are both such sanity savers for me during this crazy time!
The latest news in the Freeman household is that our precious son Colin will have to undergo surgery to remove the mass that has been growing on his head. I am very very afraid of the fact that he will be under general anesthesia at such a young age. Surgery is scheduled for the 11th.
I'm grateful to the families at Grace that are still very much in contact with us and praying for us!
As for my husband's journey in matters of spirituality and the existence of a higher being, things have been going well despite the surprising lack of support and even rejection of him and this part of his life.
Yes, that is right, rejection. We have heard many awful comments ranging from "your children will suffer greatly from your decision" to " this is worse than having received a phone call saying that you had died" Talk about psychologically damaging, and this is coming from family ! But we remain strong and know that those who truly care about us and those who are truly secure in their own faith are able to see that this is a necessary part of Kyle's journey of faith. I'm amazed at how quickly the story of the prodigal son is forgotten and the importance of its existence in the scriptures. I believe it is there to show that we must all journey at some point away from God in order for us to have an even closer faith in the end.
I'm also ignoring the comments about my disobedience in staying with someone I am unequally yoked with and remembering the scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7:13-14.
On the other hand! Maia is doing wonderfully and is such a sweet big sister. She really "helps" mama when it comes to taking care of her Bo.
I started a meetup group down here in the hopes of finding some little ones her own age to play with and so far I am having a good turnout! I also joined the MOPS group at my former church and am excited to see old friends and meet new ones as well. These are both such sanity savers for me during this crazy time!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
CHANGE!
Bear with me friends! I am currently moving my blog to another site and will post the title of it shortly!!!
I thought a more light-hearted theme was in order for the New Year, despite some pretty heavy-laden issues going on.
Fake it 'till you feel it right?
See y'all soon! :)
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